The Metronome of Heartache – a poem

I fancied another go at poetry. The Daily Post offered the prompt rhythmic today so I thought I’d try using it as both a template and a subject matter.

What do you think?

metronome,heartache,poem,poetry

The Metronome of Heartache

You don’t see it
The coiled darkness,
Shading luminosity,
Goading pain.
It hides behind a smile,
A wave.
A kindness.

You don’t feel it
The constant passenger
Smothering happiness
Thriving on despair
Crumbling your essence.
Lurking.
Mocking.

You don’t hear it,
The nothing of my day,
Thumping wretchedness,
Beating in my ears.
The metronome of heartache.
Pulsing.
Waiting.

 

What would you have come up with for today’s prompt of Rhythmic? I’d love to know.

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About Nicola Auckland

Busy wife to one & mum to two. I've caught the creative writing bug, now need to practice, get awesome and write something worth reading. Simples.
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22 Responses to The Metronome of Heartache – a poem

  1. Stunning – al of a piece- the form of the poem, the meaning, the heartache. It reaches out and grabs me and so beautifully poignant. What else can I say ?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh yes! It’s almost like a song lyric that way. Well mashed Mr P!

    As you know, I struggle with non rhyming poetry, but I thought I’d give it a whirl. I feel a bit intellectual now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just re read this many times trying different meters and, also, duplicating the first line of each verse and adding it as a last line. I like it even more! It also works well with the first line duplicated as a last line, and repeated! Give it a try.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Considering my inbuilt outlook of “it’s not poetry if it don’t rhyme” I love this. Reading it to the metronome beat works perfectly for me. You may have converted not only yourself, but me too!

    Like

  5. Davy D says:

    A good poem Nicola. The visual and title make you read it to a metronomic beat and the rhythm of the poem works well. I have a loud ticking clock on my office wall and the lines work well being read between the ticks of the clock.

    Here is my take.

    Between each heartbeat
    Pleasure and pain are etched on
    Arterial walls

    Liked by 1 person

  6. trE says:

    I love what you have, Nicola, especially this:

    “Smothering happiness
    Thriving on despair
    Crumbling your essence.
    Lurking.
    Mocking.

    You don’t hear it,
    The nothing of my day,
    Thumping wretchedness,
    Beating in my ears.
    The metronome of heartache.
    Pulsing.
    Waiting.”

    I think you totally worked the prompt. The visuals are amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. emhyde says:

    I love this 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. EDC Writing says:

    This works very well for me …

    Liked by 1 person

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